What Would “It” Be?
Wow, you guys. WOW.
My post last week about my first experience talking to a life coach was incredibly long. It didn’t have any pictures to break it up and the post didn’t include many funny and slightly inappropriate quips. After I posted it, I thought to myself, “There is no way anyone is going to make it through this. This is going to bomb.”
Yet, you read on.
On top of that, not only did you read the entire thing, many of you left insightful comments that made me so thankful I shared the coaching experience with you.
As if all that weren’t amazing enough, that blog post was shared 23 times on Facebook. 23! Of course, for all I know, you were posting it with a note that said, “Check out this idiot. Glad I’m not like her!” but my guess is the opposite was true.
I am moved, touched, and feeling incredibly blessed that so many of you seemed to appreciate that post and what was said in it.
Since it seemed to be such a hit, I’d like to continue to share with you my coaching experience. Late last week, I had another coaching session with Becky, this one much more fun and less heavy. I had a chance to share a little more about who I am as a person and she helped me figure out more of my values.
Are you ready to learn more about me?
Here we go!
Two Roads to Travel
“Okay,” Becky said, “I have two scenarios for you. Pick one of them to recreate and we’ll start pulling pieces from your response to find out who you are and what you stand for.”
“Sweet,” I said (because I say “sweet” too often. I’m thinking about changing it to a boistrous, “Boyyy Howdy!” or maybe, “Shoot, yes!” both in a southern accent. But, I digress…).
“Tell me about a time in your life when you felt fully alive. Recreate that experience and explain who you were with, what were you doing, how you felt.”
or
“If it were as good as it can get, what would ‘it’ be?”
The first scenario actually stumped me, but it didn’t take me long to figure out why. I have a hard time looking back and wasting my energy mourning over time; over what once was. It never fails to make me cringe when people tell me, “Enjoy this time, because these are the best days of your life.”
How depressing is that statement?!
I don’t want the best time of my life to be my awkward high school years, or my sleep-deprived, nauseated-from-pregnancy years. I don’t get upset when the babies grow out of clothes or I put bouncy seats away, because I am excited that they’re growing up. I’m excited for what will be and I know that I have loved, documented, and cherished every moment now, so that I will have plenty to look back on when they are big, smelly teenagers, eating me out of house and home.
What it comes down to is that I want to enjoy the now, but I want to assume that every day will be better than the last.
Which means, in far too many words, I was going to talk about the second option.
“Hmm. My ‘it’ would be… having time to be the mom I want to be, the writer I love to be, and the crafter I wish I could be,” I replied.
“Let’s break that down, then. There’s a lot to that,” she said. (Ironic how long-winded I was in my response to why I couldn’t answer the “past” scenario, and overly succinct I was in answering the second one, don’t you think?)
Here’s how we worked it out:
The Mom I Want To Be
“Who is that mom you want to be?” she asked. “What would you be doing? How would you feel? What do you see and hear?”
“I would treat my kids like I’m babysitting them,” I said.
You see, I always feel like I treat other peoples’ kids better than my own. I play with them more when they’re over, pay more attention to them for the short time they’re with me, than I feel I do to my own kids. I want to always act like I’m “babysitting” my kids by acting that way with them more often than I do.
“The mom I want to be would also have time simply for staring at the wall,” I sighed.
I described that I would be able to focus on the kids solely, that if it was as good as it gets, I wouldn’t have to do chores. She mentioned having hired help. Sure, that would be amazing, I agreed, but honestly, I enjoy cooking and cleaning, so long as I have time. Or should I say: So long as I have time and don’t have a toddler and a teething baby screaming at my ankles.
If it was as good as it gets, I would be able to clone myself into a whole ton of women.
“What would you hear, if it were as good as it gets?” she pressed.
“Well,” I snorted, “I would hear myself playing Disney music on my violin. The violin that has been totally lost in my parents’ divorce. The one I miss so badly and wish I could find or replace!”
She chuckled. Alright, I know, I know… it was a bit of a digression.
I also mentioned that we would have dance parties quite frequently. I love our dance parties!
It was clear we had beaten that topic to death, so we went onward to talk about more selfish things I would have time for in life if it were as good as it could be.
The Writer I Love to Be
The first thing I would have, if it were as good as it gets, is time. Time and motivation. I would be able to do my work and the creative things I enjoy.
“But Lindsay, if it were as good as it gets, would you really have to work?” she asked.
“No, I suppose not, but writing is my work and I love writing. I also love contributing to our income and knowing that I’m doing a little something to help us out.”
She understood exactly what I meant.
“What does it feel to be creative?” she asked.
Words came flowing from me quickly, which I have come to realize means I’m passionate about the subject, “My best creative writing is from my gut. It’s an amazing, indescribable, out-of-body experience. When I am writing something I know is going to be good, I become obsessed and the story becomes all-encompassing. It is an incredible, fulfilling, passionate feeling. I love it.”
Do I ever love it… It’s like getting high, minus the bloodshot eyes- no, wait, if I’m writing late it does include bloodshot eyes. Okay, minus the munchies and giggles. (Who am I fooling? I have never smoked a darn thing in my life.)
I told her that the writer I would love to be would travel all over and meet people who have been impacted by my writing. Of course, along with this, I would be on the New York Times Best Seller list.
“How does contributing come into this?” she asked. “You have mentioned before about writing for others, where would you do that in this scenario?”
“I would love to go to elementary schools and do writing workshops. I’d love to share my love of writing with kids and encourage them to use words and paper to express themselves.”
Another thing I already do on occasion, but would love to continue to do is using my writing ability to give words to others who might otherwise not be able to express themselves in a way that does their story justice. I thoroughly enjoy using my gift in that way.
The Crafter I Wish I Could Be
Crafting excites me. Creating something from nothing, finishing a project, and being able to step back and say, “I did that!“ is exhilarating.
As the crafter I wish I could be, I would have ample space, money, and all the equipment I could possibly need. I enjoy having a purpose for my craft, and I am especially motivated to finish it if I know I’m giving it away. The same holds true for my writing.
Somehow, we arrived at the topic of saving time. I told her I like to do things in as few steps as possible.
“You enjoy efficiency?” she prodded.
“Hmm, yeeeah, I guess that’s it,” I replied.
We hashed over it some more.
“Ya know,” I said finally, “I honestly think I’m just lazy. I hate doing more steps than I have to. If I have to nearly break my arms by bringing all of the groceries in at once to avoid an unnecessary extra trip to the car, I’m okay with that.”
“Lazy” sounded so… negative, though.
“I like to be frugal with my time,” I smiled.
We both agreed that sounded a lot nicer.
(I Totally Left Out My Husband)
In real life, our discussion about the aspects of as good as it could be ended with me dreaming of an enormous craft room. Not long after we hung up the phone, I realized that I hadn’t mentioned Clint. Not once. Not a single hint of a mention of him.
Oh, the wifely guilt!
If I may (and I may because it’s my blog, dagnabbit, and I do what I wanna), I’d like to add that if it were as good as it could be, my husband would work an extremely fulfilling job that made him over-the-moon happy. He and I would have the relationship we do now, except maybe since we’d have more time, we’d have a li’l more nookie too. And, since it’s an imaginary world, we’d have ample money to go out on spontaneous dates. We’d finally be able to have that do-over honeymoon we promised each other after our actual honeymoon failed miserably.
Whew. I really do love him. I feel awful that I didn’t talk about him at all!
Values Uncovered
After our conversation (that didn’t involve Clint), we put our heads together and went over the key things I had mentioned. This was my favorite part, because she would mention an important factor in so many jumbled words and I’d get to come up with a fancy way to describe it in a word or two. It was fun teaming up like that.
We discovered that I value:
The Carefree/Silliness of life
Moments to Decompress
Obsession/Passion over writing (or anything else that’s important to me)
Laughter
Having a Purpose
Unencumbered Space/Freedom
Impacting people with words; I value language
Donating time, gifts, and/or talents
Creativity
She mentioned that above all of those things, I revealed a definite message of valuing purpose. A common theme to this discussion and the last revolved around consciously pursuing a purpose-filled life through my writing and almost everything I do. Along with that, I have a desire and drive to impact lives through a variety of avenues. This is all very true. I don’t want to waste time and energy doing something that isn’t going to be valuable to myself or someone else.
Get Over It, Girlfriend
Admittedly, there was something I have had a hard time with in both of my conversations with Becky, and even in typing this blog today. It’s something I honestly think I need to just get over:
Tooting my own horn.
(I totally just giggled when I wrote “tooting.” Mature, much?)
We are taught to be humble, to not brag about things we’re good at. I know I’m not alone in feeling uncomfortable receiving compliments as well. One thing I had not expected to learn from our coaching sessions is to be okay with saying, “I’m a talented writer,” without adding, “but really, I’m not that good. I’m okay. Sort of,” to the end of my sentence.
So, I have had to learn to get over it. Like Becky said in our first conversation, “If you can’t be proud of yourself and your abilities, who can?” I’ve also had to learn that it’s okay to say, “Wow, thank you for that compliment” instead of demeaning myself with, “Nah, you’re just saying that.”
The Finale
We’re doing one more session on Thursday and, to wrap this all up, Becky and I are going to do co-blog. After my last session, we’re going to each write a blog post about the experience of our coaching sessions and you’ll get to see what coaching is like from both perspectives. I’m really excited for the next one; I’m excited to hear what Becky’s expectations and assumptions for coaching me were, and what actually was the case.
As I mentioned in the last post about coaching, Becky’s offering up an hour free session with her, and guess what?! The success of the last blog and your overwhelming responses to it has helped motivate her to get her site up and going. So, now you can see Becky’s purdy face, read what she’s all about, and check out a few testimonies from her clients as well. Comment below and I’ll send your email address to Becky so she can get in touch with you and set up a coaching time.
Check out her site! I’m thoroughly impressed with how it turned out: http://beckydenhamcoaching.com
