Marry Me, Arby’s Sauce.

Within a teensy little cavern in my brain, there lives a list. I refer to this list as: Things I Would Marry If I Could. It’s an odd list, I think, but considering I’m not the most normal duck in the pond, I’d say that sounds about right.

Given the ability to do so, and assuming it’d okay to marry more than one object (plus a real person), these are 7 things I would marry:

Arby’s sauce. It’s delicious. I hate ketchup, but Arby’s sauce makes my condiment life complete.
Brains. Not in a zombie mmmm…braaaaaains kind of way, but in a smarts kind of way. I love smart people and like to surround myself with them. Book smart, people smart, crafty smart, it doesn’t matter. I love it all.
My phone. I know, sad, huh? But it’s awesome and it blows me away. It’s the first smartphone I’ve ever used and I feel like a kid in a candy store when I peruse through free applications to download. (“You mean it will store my grocery list AND tell me which aisle to walk down while I’m at the store?! No. Freaking. Way.”)
Good coffee. It doesn’t have to be Starbucks, but it does have to taste good.
Ellipses. My absolute favoritest of all punctuation options, probably because my thoughts often trail off…
Office Supplies. Ballpoint pens, crisp, untainted notebook paper, binders, organizers. Oh jeez.
Geekery. Anything technology-related that I can tinker with and figure out. It bums me out when I get a new electronic toy and figure it out in two seconds. I would marry geekery simply for the problem solving and troubleshooting that occurs.

Totally random, right?

Now what I wonder, is if these things feel the same amount of zeal toward me. Is this a list of one-sided admiration, here? Would, say, Arby’s sauce feel the same for me, if it possessed the ability to feel? I suppose it wouldn’t, considering that my love for Arby’s sauce is based solely on its demise. And if it did, that would be true love. True sacrifice.

Perhaps there’d be a love triangle within the list. It could happen that I love Brains, but Brains has the hots for Geekery and Geekery is too shy to admit it, but it loves me too. And maybe Brains doesn’t realize that it’s related to Geekery. Oh, the plot thickens…

Have I adequately frightened you away from ever reading my blog again?

This is the crap that I deal with. No wonder I can’t remember where I put my car keys. My brain is too busy concocting sordid love triangles among inanimate objects and made-up words (though I think “geekery” sounds too cool not to be a real word).

Do you have a list of random things you’d marry, if you could? Share with us!

Tagged:

http://www.facebook.com/mrs.saranelson Sara

I SO share your affection for Office Supplies. The smell of freshly sharpened pencils and “untainted notebooks” get me all “hot and bothered” as my mom would say.
I’d also marry starbucks hotchocolates (with a shot of toffeenut flavoring and NO whip). Oh man! Makes my eyes wanna roll just writing it out. hahaha.
Beth

Have you tried the new Sharpie Pens? They are fantastic – so fantastic that I have hidden them in my candy stash so the kids won’t steal them (assuming of course that they don’t figure out where the “good” candy is hidden). I *might* be mildly in love with Office Supplies also. It might, in truth, be bad enough that my hubs doesn’t like me going into an office supply store because I will purchase way more than I intended.

As for the rest of my list:
Good books – I could marry a good book or two. The kind that are so awesome that you get lost in reading them. You finish the last page, blink a couple times and realize that it’s 4 am and you have to be up in 3 hours to get a child on the school bus.

Small yellow legal pads – the favorite of my office supply addiction. I carry one with me at all times and have an extra in my purse.

My coupon organizer – it’s cute, purple, fits in my purse and goes everywhere with me. I truly love it.

Shoes! I love shoes. Specifically sandals. I am so lazy that I wear sandals most of the year and they are just so darn comfy. I tend to go nutty if a certain shoe store (*cough* Payless) has their BOGO 1/2 off sale.

I also have a deep devotion to coffee but maybe not enough to marry it… perhaps just use it as an extra-marital fling?

Oh, and I totally get what you mean about having thoughts in your head like these and then not remembering where your car keys are. I lose my car keys/sunglasses/purse/cell phone daily.
http://lindsaymaddox.com Lindsay Maddox

@Sara
You are awesome, Sara! Seriously laughed my ass off at that comment!

@Beth
New sharpie pens?! I need to check that out! I love your list, BTW.

I love that I’m not alone in my affinity for office supplies.

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